My mind seems to be overflowing with
thoughts of all the memories you've given us.
The mind replays what the heart can't delete...
The 5th of every month is hard on me. On the
5th of November 2015, Brutus died. It is a difficult day.
I miss my Brutus everyday, but that's how it is.
Life changed for us. As time goes by the grief is not so intense,
but we miss him so very much. For me he will always be my
baby. I don't know as yet if I can call Sniff my baby. I call
him my little boysie. Brutus was called boysie as well.
Also on the 5th of March 2016 Shadow died.
An agonizing death. We don't talk about it much,
because when we do it freaks the living daylights out of us.
He was just a baby. Little, but fearless. Arvid said the other day,
"I'm sure if he was with us he would have been a lot of fun."
I don't dwell on the date. Sometimes the day
before is when I freak out. FaceBook is good, but
when a memory pops up on your screen, it either makes
you smile or it rips you apart. I live with it. I deal with it.
Some days are just a little more difficult than others.
It's called life and we deal with it. Everyone has
experienced grief in different forms. No one
can tell you how to deal with it.
For Arvid and I one of the hardest things that has
ever been required of us was the day that we had
to let go as the angels carried you up to heaven.
Mama misses her baby and little Shadow.
We have Sniff now in our lives. You both would
have loved him like we do. Sniff Sniff is a good boy.
It's both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so deeply.
A part of me will always be waiting for you....
~Nadiya~
