We need to be around our families not because we have so many shared experiences to talk about, but instead because they know precisely which subjects to avoid...
I was not sure if I was going to write about this or not. Guess I am. Lately I have noticed that quite a few of my readers have very strong opinions regarding family boundaries. Seems like as if many have been burnt by those they have trusted most. This is not saying I agree with everything said.
Like all of you, I also experience family issues/tensions from time to time. No one is immune to this. No family is perfect, but at the same time it's the only one we will have. Being one of five girls, I have learnt that many a times it's best to stay quiet. Saying nothing can occasionally be the smartest move one can make. Trust me I have seen Arvid do this many a times. It's best to sometimes just agree rather than disagree with what's being said. Keeps the peace. I don't say this is always possible. Most times I have to say it's darn near impossible.
I have learnt from Arvid that when it comes to family it is sometimes better to not say too much. Just tell the basics as he says. Better to keep our lives private rather than to let all know everything that's going on. He's better at this than I am. For instance when we moved into our apartment in Florida the only people he told were friends where as I find it more difficult to keep a secret.
Many a times we disagree on how to deal with our families. He is not the type to not say anything and I'm the opposite. The one thing we both agree on is that when it comes to renting out our house in Florida we will be selective. We both agree that my parents can stay there. We also agree that Arvid's brother and girlfriend can stay there. They always are so very kind to us in Norway and they always let us stay in one of their apartments.
It is much easier dealing with friends because then you can lay everything out straight. Be specific and not have to worry whose feelings are getting hurt. In families one has to tippy toe around the facts. Becomes pretty exhausting and not worth the effort.
When my family visit, they are very independent and very much into doing their own stuff. They explore different venues and see as much as they can. Of course we spend time with them, but it's not like as if we have to baby-sit their every move. They find their own places to stay, rent their cars and this makes for a fun and interesting time.
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Normally when Arvid's family visits (mom) these are short visits. Always nice to see them and do stuff together. Like my family they are also into doing their thing. We get together for some fun times and this keeps everyone happy. They also have their own car and find their own place to stay. Makes for a much better time for everyone when we stay out of each other's ways.
Families...either you love them or you don't. They say you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. Many will agree with this.
I am lucky to have a wonderful family that is always kind, supportive and respectful of each other. I will say this....respect comes in many forms and shape. If you want to be respected, you must start by respecting yourself. Never take anything or anyone for granted for you never know when it will be taken away from you....I know this from first hand experience.
I love you all and though we are all so very far apart, I think it also makes our bond stronger and our relationship more special, but please feel free to visit anytime.
Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and
treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart
will consume you too. ....Keep your words soft and tender because tomorrow you
may have to eat them......when you realize you've made a mistake, make amends
immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm
~Nadiya~
