A break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself to fix it...it takes a couple seconds to say Hello, but forever to say Goodbye....
When we are young we dream of that someone to come into our lives and together we will walk away into the sunset and be happy together always and forever. This is a beautiful way to envision life and it is what we all want, but it is not necessarily what we get. Sometimes there comes a time when we reach a point and we say ENOUGH! I love you, but I am not in love with you anymore...we've grown apart. So very sad, but it is also a reality many of us face because sometimes we just don't understand why we are breaking up when so many things fit in place.
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I came across an interesting article today dealing with exactly this sort of situation.
Every romance hits a few dry spells, but if you can’t remember the last time you laughed together or got frisky in a new way, it might be time to reconsider your relationship. Did your weekend getaway fail to inject some energy? Did that last birthday gift fizzle upon reception? Sometimes there’s nothing tangibly “wrong,” but a kite with no wind to keep it aloft isn’t going anywhere but the ground, if you get my drift. When you break up, your whole identity is shattered. You are no longer alive.
Without a concrete, acceptable reason to break up with someone...infidelity, drama, boredom, depression, financial, etc... many couples simply continue to tread water in their dead-end relationships. Other times, one partner’s passive aggressive behavior — such as becoming increasingly distant, or engaging in acts of sabotage — pushes the other into initiating the split. When you sense that your love’s flatlining on the table, it’s time to either bust out the defibrillator or agree to call it a day.
Not all relationships were meant to last a lifetime. Sad but true. Sometimes couples just drift apart and that's the simple truth. Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
Before deciding to move on from a ho-hum relationship, imagine yourself on a luxurious vacation — whether it’s six months of island-hopping in the South Pacific, helicopter-skiing in the remote Alps, or five-starring it in Paris. You’ll need a companion for the greatest trip of your life. Is it your current flame? An ex that you let slip away? A brewing love interest on the sidelines, maybe? Or some mystery/fantasy person you haven’t even met yet? The answer that first comes into your mind should illuminate the state of your current relationship — especially if it’s stalled and sputtering. Sometimes the person you really need is the one you didn’t think you wanted.
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Breakin’ up is hard to do. Short-term affairs can be ended quickly with a phone call, or two unreturned phone calls, but significant splits are rarely quick and should always be done in person. Even after being prepped for the act by friends and reference books, breakups are hardly clean. In lieu of a clean-cut split, some couples opt to downshift by taking a break first. Never be sad for what is over, just be glad that it was once yours.
This weaning period helps soothe the ache for companionship and helps both parties answer an important question: Is this a case of “absence makes the heart grow fonder,” or is it really “out of sight, out of mind?” Regardless of the answer, during those final throes, don’t mistake that jolt in your pulse from finally doing the right thing with false readings of love’s pulse. The hardest part of dreaming about someone you love is having to wake up.
Breakups are usually hashed out through expressing your feelings while avoiding the specifics: “I’m just not happy,” “I feel trapped,” “I don’t want to keep holding you back.” With no villain or bad behaviors to focus the blame on, it’s best to keep the harsh statements to yourself. Instead of making accusations, frame your reasons for breaking up around the goals you’ve made for yourself and the relationship’s incompatibility with those goals, such as: “I’m hoping to get married someday and I don’t think we’re headed that way” or “I love your band, but life on the road isn’t for me.”
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Exes who still work together, helped the other find a new partner, or stay in touch online are proof that even when love can’t go the distance, peaceful goodbyes are possible. In fact, these kinds of breakups bode well for former lovers who can enjoy a genuine, lasting friendship once time has passed and there’s nothing more at stake than a cup of coffee together, figuring out how to avoid similar relationship mistakes in the future by dissecting what went wrong and learning from it.
It’s all about perspective....are you wary of pulling the plug because going solo sounds scary and lonely? It takes some healthy self-esteem and a dash of courage to realize that it’s better to be happy and alone than to suffer with perpetual malaise in a relationship where nobody’s thriving.
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If you believe there’s probably a better partner or relationship out there for you, staying with the wrong person just because it’s easier than initiating a split severely limits your chances of finding what you really want. Potential suitors can spot unhappiness miles away, and that sourpuss look on your face invites only sympathy, not friendly conversation. Plus, when the right one does come along, is dissolving your doomed duo to date someone else an honorable way to end things? There may be a universe of singles dying to ask you out, but don’t expect to attract any worthwhile candidates until after you’ve ended this tepid twosome and extinguished your NO VACANCY light....just remember, it’s lonely being free.
There comes a time when you realize you have done everything you can to make things work and it did not...next step is to move on. Tough time ahead, but never impossible.
Moving on is simple, it’s what you leave behind that makes it so difficult...I don’t want to keep being the girl that keeps crying about the same things....
until next time..
