There are moments when I wish I could roll back
the clock and take all the sadness away, but I have the
feeling that if I did, the joy would be gone as well...
1:30 AM. I’m awake 😮. Came to bed early (10pm)
awake since midnight. Been happening more and more.
Sleep used to be my friend, but it’s been a long time
since that. Now it evades me way too often.
When Brutus died my entire life changed.
I was unable to get a restful night of sleep 😢,
Brutus' death changed me completely. A year
after he died I was still unable to sleep.
Grief ate away at me and I didn’t know what to do.
Somedays it still gets to me. I just have to wait it out.
November 5th 2021 makes it six years our Brutus died💔.
The grief is not as gut wrenching as before, but
missing him is something that I will forever do 💔.
I miss my Brutus so very much. He was my baby.
I love our Sniff with all my heart. He is
always there to make me smile and to give
us love and for that I a always grateful.
Life is unpredictable. Most days the grief of losing
Brutus is at bay, but these last few days it had been
unbearable. Like everything I know it will not last.
It comes in strides and some days it feels as if
you’re drowning. You just have to ride it out.
They say everything happens for the best. “They”
are not me. I do not always believe this to be true,
but it’s easy to say because I realize that when people
can’t deal with things life throws at them it’s easier to
say, “it’s for the best.” “God knows what he’s doing.”
"It's up to God." Never bought into that never will. The
best is what you make of life and how I make it happen.
The best would be for Brutus to not have died, but...
I never bought into that never will no one will ever be
able to convince me that God knew what he was doing
when our Brutus died or when Paul Riley died or when
Shadow died and I can go on and on. It’s easier to say.
Tomorrow I will feel better again. The anger
I feel is still there, but not always on the surface.
I know it will be better, it’s just there are days when
just a tiny little memory can disrupt the peace
you’ve worked so hard to achieve.
Good morning everyone. The sun is shining.
The day looks beautiful, and you know the saying,
smile can hide so much: fear, pain, tears. But
then again they reflect one thing: strength.
Someday when the pages of my life end, I know
you will be one of its most beautiful chapters.
~Nadiya~
