I miss you as soon as I wake up. I miss you when I'm about to sleep
I wish you were here with us right now. I miss you Brutus all the time...
Last night Arvid took me to listen to music. He said, "just the two of us. Like it should be."
We went to The Bamboo Room all the way in Lake Worth. With traffic and rain
it took us an hour to get here. As always Arvid drives to go, and I drive us
back home. Roads are flooded so it was a slow drive. Lot's of rain.
Yesterday was a difficult day for me. I thought I had it under control at least for the
day, but it creeps up on me, and suddenly I find myself back to square one.
I took a couple of hours to just walk around the mall. Galleria Mall is my favorite,
and at this time of the year it's beautifully decorated. My favorite time of the year.
Sadly I was not too keen on much of it. Not exactly sure what I did, but before you
knew it I was back home. Arvid was waiting for lunch as was Shadow.
In my sadness I keep forgetting Arvid is also missing Brutus. I voice my emotions
where he holds it in most of the time. Yesterday while I was having one
of my "moments" of sadness; they are too frequent. Arvid looks
at me and says, "I miss Brutus too you know." I do know.
I'm sure the music was good. We were there after all for many, many hours.
It was a distraction and it was good to see Arvid enjoying himself. Me, my mind
was far away so I can't say I was really into the music last night.
The music has died inside of me right now.
When it was done the rain just kept coming down. Everywhere was flooded.
All roads leading to home were also flooded. Was a tricky situation.
Today is one month since our Brutus died. I just don't know how I will go a
lifetime of not seeing him again. Holding him. Playing with him. Right now I'm not the
same person I was a month ago. My life is now ruled by tears, sadness and longing
for a kitty kat that I will never see again. My Brutus will never greet us again
at the door. Brutus mama misses you all the time. All the time.
I keep myself busy with things to do,
but every time I pause it's you I think about Brutus...
~Nadiya~
