I just read this article in which the author Sasha Brown-Worsham believes that loving the husband more than the kids is key to good life and vice versa. In it she says:
"I remember asking my mom when I was little who she loved best between me and my dad.”It's a different kind of love," she told me then. But the kisses she and my dad shared in the toy aisle, their constant holding hands, and their long vacations sans kids while we stayed with the grandparents told me otherwise. She loved my dad more. And I am so happy she did.
When a family is strong, mom does prioritize the marriage over the kids. But we live in a culture where kids come first. Or, as my friend recently said, "Since when did kids move from the card table at Thanksgiving to the head of the table?" Since when, indeed".
Not having children of my own, makes it a little trickier for me to say much, but from the little experience I have had by being around families I will have to agree with the author. I have seen what conflict between the parents or couples can do to the stability of a relationship. When things go bad between couples it is bad for everyone involved. Children included. On the other hand when all is good between the couple then everything else falls into place.
I have seen my parents sacrificing everything for us and when there was friction between them then the entire household was tense, but when they were happy so were we. When we were growing up we were always their first priority and mom and dad took a back stage. Thankfully we turned out OK and when we did leave home mom and dad finally had the chance to live their life. This was many years ago. They never complained and we took it for granted that this was how it should be.
Not having children of my own this may be difficult for me to understand since Arvid and I live just for ourselves and only have to worry about each other and Brutus. Looking at my sisters, I see both sides. I see in some that desire to always put their children’s needs above their own. I personally do not agree with this because I think there should be a balance. You can't only live for your children and neglect yourself. Not doing any good in the long run to anyone. One day your child will leave home and then what becomes of you?
Another of my sisters has managed to obtain a certain balance in her life. She like the others will do any and everything for her children, but she also remembers that she and her husband are important and she makes time for them. Not always easy, but she has managed to do so and for that I admire her.
As the author of the article goes on to say, “Children are born from the love two people share with one another. They grow under the umbrella of that love and then they find their own loves with which they will do the same. Romantic love is so different (thanks mom!) than the love I feel for my children. I would die for my kids, jump in front of a train for them, and move mountains to keep them happy. But my love for my husband is different.
It's burning and passionate and sexual (one would hope!). It gets me through the hard days and sustains me when things feel low. Without him, the rest would fall apart. I know this, he knows this, and we both work very hard to maintain it. It's not easy. My love for my children is much easier and comes more naturally and takes less work.
So in that sense, yes, my marriage is priority number one. It's what made my family and it's what will stay after my kids fly the nest.”
I will say again that I feel the same. Our love for each other is stronger than anything and anyone. Does not mean you don’t love your kids…like the author says it is just two kinds of love. Both strong, both different.
Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without....
until next time...
