A memory is what is left when something happens and does not completely unhappen....Memory, is the diary that we all carry about with us....
I looked at her and I said OMG! I know what you are going through. She looks at me and said "unless you have gone through something similar you can't really know what I am going through" I just looked back at her and very quietly told her that I have gone through this...many years ago.
I came back home with my purchases. Happy, but way down in my thoughts was a memory of years gone by. Not something I have forgotten, but something I have come to terms with and I have moved on, but because of today's encounter it was fresh back in my mind.
It took me back to many years ago. I lived in California. At the time I was married to Paul Michael Riley. His second love was his motorcycle. I still remember it. It was Honda CBR 900RR, very fast. He had already crashed the Ducati Paso 906 and was now into this faster bike. I liked the bike very much all the bikes we had.
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| Paul and McGyver |
We would normally go out together on the bike, but this Sunday I chose not to go, and he went out on his own. I remember it vividly like it was yesterday. We hugged and he said bye to our kitties (we had 5) and he left. Less than five minutes he comes back and says he forgot his cell phone. He said "you never know when an emergency can occur" He then petted one of the kittes and said "I love you McGyver" that was the name of one of the kitties. This would be the last time we saw him alive.
After several hours of him not showing up, I became worried. I called hospitals, highway patrol, forest rangers everyone I could think of and all they said was, "nope no accidents occured on a motorcycle". A few hours later someone knocks on the door. I open it. There stood a policeman. I looked at him and I said "he's dead right" He looks at me and asks if he can come in. I let him in and my world as I knew it back then crumbled, it fell apart within seconds and I was never the same person again.
So yes, when the salesgirl said only someone who has been through this can understand she was right because that was exactly how I felt. Looking back I don't know how I managed. All I knew was that my life would never be the same again. I had the option of either surviving or falling into the depths of grief and never surfacing again. I chose to survive, to move on and to continue life. I had never imagined life without Paul. I did not think I would make it without him, but one discovers within themselves that instint to survive. I have my memories tucked somewhere deep in my heart and every once in a while all it takes is a little something to make it resurface....a smell, a song, a place, the sound of a bike...just an arbitrary thing. We do not remember days; we remember moments as somenone once said. Very true.
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| Grow old with me, the best is yet to be ....and he has never stopped saying it.... |
Today my life is wonderful with Arvid and Brutus. We make each other happy and in more ways than I can imagine, Arvid is my soul mate for life....Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life. That's my Arvid and I love him! As someone said "I believe that I am only at a beginning, only knocking at a door, and I believe that the best is yet to come", and that best is with Arvid and Brutus...ALWAYS! I can't say what's the thing I love best about Arvid...so many, but for sure one of the nicest things he has said to me is... Grow old with me, the best is yet to be....and he has never stopped saying it....
Whatever with the past has gone, the best is always yet to come...
until next time...
until next time...
